If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
