it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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