he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
