I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My breasts were aching with rage.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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