I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
