I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
