just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
