Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
