I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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