Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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