A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
