I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
