Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
