dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
