Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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