a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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