Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
