Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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