I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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