Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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