I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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