that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
