Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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