Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
