i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
