My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
