my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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