my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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