what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize