just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
