Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.

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(716): View more from New York

i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.

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(239): View more from Florida

i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.

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(713): View more from Texas

He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...

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(+61): View more from Australia

I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does

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