I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
