so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
