They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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