1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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