I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
