I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
