Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
