I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
