it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
