I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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