I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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