i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
