Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize