i was born a porn star she said
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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