I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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