Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
