I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
