I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
