True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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