if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
