now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
