i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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