Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
