did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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