Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
