i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize