you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
