Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
