I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
