we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
