so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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