Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize