Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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