He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
