I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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