woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
