Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do vagina's smell?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
