so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
