I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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