sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
