Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
