He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
