this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
