Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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