I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
