We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
